Monday, August 16, 2010

Ring Tone: A phone call from sea

Tony's latest policy has been dubbed the "boat phone". Basically, if there's a boat spotted on the horizon, if Tones is PM the special boat phone will ring and he'll personally decide whether to torpedo it.

That's leadership for you.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Through the looking glass, and what Paul Kelly found there

The Australian this morning has an article on how Gillard leans to the left. It's all about her "feminine politics" apparently (when you've worked out what exactly "feminine politics" are, give Tones a call, he wants to know).

This may come as some surprise to the 361,000 people who reckon Jules has heralded a shift to the right.

But your crack investigative team at lolpolz has worked it out. It's all done with mirrors. Left is right, right is left, and words mean just what they choose them to mean.Of course it's all very confusing for the rest of us, but that's what happens when you venture through the looking glass - everything's a deck of cards and people turn into sheep.  

Friday, August 13, 2010

This just in: Liberal tax thank you note leaked

Possibly from the same source as the so-called "Treasury leak" the Liberals have been complaining about (apparently, they only like Treasury leaks when they come from Godwin Gretch), lolpolz has obtained this exclusive leaked example of what the Liberals' tax thank you to taxpayers will contain:

Click for large version

Friday vox pop

We're down to the pointy end of the campaign, and now that the Great Plague of '10 is over, your fearless LOLjournalists are getting out in the marginals and talking to the swinging voters about their voting intentions. Today in the Queensland marginals we heard a lot of swinging voters are thinking of going with Tony:

Liberals' tax policy: We tax you MORE POLITELY.

The Liberals' point of difference on tax policy isn't personal milk & sandwich tax cuts. It's not more of the Henry reforms. It's definitely not cutting company tax. It's taxing you just as much, but unlike those uncooth lower-class Labor types, they'll say thank you. In fact, they're so polite, they'll actually send you a note. Now that's manners, kids.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Tony on broadband policy: "It's all geek to me"

As anyone who watched the Red Fox quiz Tones on the 7.30 report on broadband knows, Tony Abbott is not a tech head.* He does have a plan for national broadband, although strictly speaking, it's not national, it's not broadband, and it barely meets the definition of a 'plan'.

Here's what he explained to Red Kerry on Tuesday:


*plz imagine this being said a la Richard Nixon's "I am not a crook"
**someone on Larvatus Prodeo used the "12 words per minute" line, but when I went back to try to find it to credit them, I couldn't find it, so whoever it was, you are funny, and I stole teh line.

Sunday, August 1, 2010


I've been alternating between lying in bed sniffling and coughing and having a fever and furious bursts of activity towards the half-hour presentation I have to do on Tuesday for uni.

Normal transmission should reshume shortly.