Thursday, August 20, 2009

Peter Dutton's statement on health insurance changes


Peter Dutton, Opposishun Health spokesdog (pictured above), earlier today made a statement about the market economy theory underlying why the Coalition won't be supporting the IVF changes in the Senate. A reader happened to find the edited notes of Dutton's statement in a taxi, reproduced here for your entertainment:

"Now listen up you bunch of morons bunnehs. We know you're all pretty stupid - most of you voted Labor last elecshun after all, but Malcolm says we have to keep trying to talk to you anyway. Apparently there's been some confusion about why we think restricting rich people's access to health funding is going to mean poor people have less children, so I'm going to try to explain it in terms even you plebs the average man could understand. It's all about market economics.

Now a market economy is where someone has a service they want to sell, and other people want to buy it. In this case, the people with the money who want to buy the service are Liberal voters - they're the ones with all the money the rich - they're the ones with all the money. And the people who want to sell something are the poor, because they have no money. But because they have nothing else to sell either because they're poor, all they can possibly sell is their labour.

Now, the problem with Labor's policy arises is where you restrict rich people's access to health funding, they have to pay for it themselves. And because they're forking out all this extra money on health care, they can't afford to employ as many servants. So THE POOR SUFFER. Why is that so hard for the Labor Parteh to understand? They are hurting the poor!

Anyway, because the poor then have even less money, they can't afford to have children, and IVF costs too much, and that could mean we have to have higher immigration and OH MY GOD TEH EVIL TERRORIST IMMIGRANTS THEY WILL KILL US ALL Peter I think we need to replace this last line with a more subtle dogwhistle - M.

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